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17 WAYS TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT MONEY RIGHT NOW
Do you feel weighed down and more stressed than ever with the economic downturn? You can feel better right now without changing a thing outside of yourself (But changing yourself always ends of up changing your circumstances). Here are some tips to riding the waves of this storm. Although each tip presents a different idea, the goals behind the suggestions overlap. Pick what works best for you.
1. Realize that your circumstances do not create your feelings. For the most part, our thoughts determine our feelings. We all think that our jobs, cranky family members, and dwindling bank accounts make us unhappy. Not true. Our thoughts about those circumstances make us unhappy. Multi-millionaires have money fears. The good news is that you have the power to choose how you react by examining your thinking.
2. Find the thoughts that are causing you pain around money. You may be surprised by the fearful thoughts that are causing you pain. Start with a general thought. If you’re like many of my neighbors, for example, your work hours have been cut. Ask, “Why is that a problem?” or “So what?” You may say, “I don’t make enough money to cover the bills.” Keep asking yourself why that is a problem (You may be saying, “Of course that’s a problem,” but we assume these are problems without really examining the reasons). After asking yourself “why” about five times, you may narrow it down to a thought that seems like a problem because it would be embarrassing or a thought that may not even be true. I have a feeling that you don’t know for sure if that thought is true and there is much evidence that it may not be true. You can respond to any thought in the words of Zen Buddhist Shunryu Suzuki, “Not always so.” It may actually be helpful to think of the worst case scenario. Because whatever that is – borrowing money, delaying a purchase, looking for a new job, selling your house, moving – you can handle it. Keeping this in mind can diminish fear. Think of FEAR as an acronym for Future Events Appearing Real or False Evidence Appearing Real.
3. Worry and fear pretend to keep us safe. Worry is not useful; it does not pay the bills. Fear creates what it promises to avoid. The antidotes to fear are creativity and love. Your brain won’t let you feel fear and love (of which creativity is a part) at the same time. What activities put you in a zone of creativity and love? Taking photos? Playing with kids? Drawing? Writing? Scrapbooking? Working? Walking in nature? What do you do that is not a means to an end? When enjoyment as opposed to wanting is your motivation for doing something, you connect to the power of creation (the creative power). When joy flows from you into what you do, you create something of value to the world, which potentially brings in money. There is a quote from the Bible,” There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear.”
4. See your thoughts for what they really are – just thoughts. Our minds are word machines that produce endless chatter. The stories we tell ourselves are arbitrary and mostly untrue. There is no point in fighting them (that just produces more chatter). Detach from your thoughts. Become a compassionate observer of your thoughts. See them as written words on a ticker tape, a waterfall, or a parade. Tweak your language to help you detach: Instead of saying, “I am anxious,” try “I am having the feeling of anxiety.” When you notice yourself thinking, “I am going to end up a bag lady,” say, “Oh yeah, there’s that bag lady story again. There it goes.”
5. Go back to your breath. Deep breathing is under-rated. It has the power to put you into a state of calm and deep peace. It takes you away from the thoughts that create fear and anxiety. From this place of calm, you create ways to save and make money. You also realize that breathing happens with no effort from you, just as life happens through you when you are aligned with your true self.
6. Ask yourself what you really want. What you want is not money. You want a feeling that you think money will bring you. Most of us associate money with feelings of security, comfort, and freedom. How can you feel this way now? Besides looking at your thoughts, what action can you take to help yourself feel this way? Would it help to wear soft clothes, sleep naked (a real client’s example), appreciate everything around you, keep a gratitude journal, stare at the ocean, go for a run, resist a purchase of the designer jeans or the new iPod (not buying something can help you feel like you have more money)? Without the feeling of security, abundance, etc., you cannot create abundance in the real world. As Eckhart Tolle says, “You cannot manifest what you want; you can only manifest what you already have.”
7. I hear a lot of comments like, “It shouldn’t be like this” or “It wasn’t supposed to be this way.” Sometimes the most powerful, important action you can take is acceptance. This means there is no resistance to this moment as it is: no neediness, no dissatisfaction. Eckhart Tolle would call this being “friendly with the present moment.” Although it sounds counter-intuitive, it is from a place of acceptance that we make positive change. If we are not accepting of what is right now, we are not accepting of life and therefore the power of life cannot flow through us. As Byron Katie says, “When I argue with reality, I lose – but only 100 percent of the time.” There is a different quality and energy to action that comes out of acceptance as opposed to resistance. This action can be described as inspired, informed, fluid, and kind. We move more quickly when we don’t fight what is.
8. In addition to accepting our circumstances, accepting our yucky (that’s the technical term) feelings can be powerful. The opposite of accepting feelings is avoiding them. Avoidance techniques like the use of alcohol, drugs, eating, or shopping intensify our bad feelings and add new problems. Your feelings are more likely to change with an accepting, non-judgmental attitude toward them. So instead of resisting or avoiding feelings, open up to them, sit with them, get to know them. Notice that your feelings aren’t killing you. See what comes up. These feelings can give you clues to your right life. They can give you access to the thoughts that are causing them. Then you can examine those thoughts (see #2 above) and compassionately observe them (#4). Then you can take inspired action (#7).
9. Try this metaphor tool from Martha Beck: Become your money. Yes, pretend to be your money – whatever it is – your checking account, your retirement fund…Let the consciousness of your money fill your mind and then describe it and ask it how you can best manage it. Ask: What is your purpose? How are you trying to help me? This process takes you out of the logical left brain (which creates fear) and into your creative right brain. You can bypass your fear and uncover wisdom (and sometimes humor).
10. Another version of the metaphor tool is to ask yourself: If money is energy and it acts like an animal, what animal would it be? Is it an animal you want around you or is it a smelly, mangy mutt? Describe the animal and the scene around it. If the animal is running away, how can you invite it into your life? How can you change your animal/image to make it more friendly and accessible? Money avoids people who are afraid and grasping and comes to people who like it and are sure of it. How can you become a better friend to money? Recall ways that money came to you and review this in your mind. Dwell on it.
11. Stop watching the news which feeds our fears (and is paid for by advertising for drugs & products that promise to solve our problems). Look for evidence that people can thrive in this economy. I have a client whose husband just received a promotion with a salary increase. My friend in sales is having one of her biggest six-figure years yet. My sister just landed a promotion and a raise. Do you hear about these people in the media? No, because fear sells. You do not have to participate in this. Look for your own evidence to counter the media stories. Read biographies of success stories.
12. What is perfect about this? Ask yourself what good has come out of this situation. Have you learned to live on less? Do you feel permission to spend less on parties or gifts? Have you accepted that you are human? Do you have a new appreciation for your job? Have you been able to spend more time with friends and family? Exercise more? Do you feel less attachment to things? Find the meaning in it. There may be an even deeper meaning than we find in accumulation, success, and building up our egos.
13. Remember that you are not your bank account, your house, the car you drive, the clothes you wear…You are not even your thoughts. You are too amazing to be described my mere words. Wayne Dyer suggests that we empty ourselves of the ideas that we are: what we have, what we do, what other people think of us, separate from everyone else, separate from what’s missing in our lives, and separate from God. See yourself in everyone.
14. Tap into the wisdom and perspective of your “future self.” What would your future self say to you right now? Might she say that everything is already o.k.? That you have grown stronger? That life is an adventure in learning? That it was a chance to re-create your life? That tough times can be a gift? Think of times in your life when things were tough and it all turned out alright. Consider these words from J.K. Rowling’s 2008 Harvard commencement address, “The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift…It is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification ever earned.”
15. Connect with other people. Understand that everyone has stresses and fears. Do not pretend that you’re perfect or that everything is always sunny. That is not the nature of life. When we pretend, we alienate ourselves from others and waste time that we could have been connecting with people who can support us and visa versa. Jean Chatzsky has written a book about the differences (aptly titled, The Difference) between the financially wealthy and comfortable and those living paycheck to paycheck or in debt. One of those differences is social connections. Wealthy people tend to have more professional and personal connections and are more confident in those relationships.
16. Apply these tips to other areas of your life.
17. Give yourself permission to have fun, enjoy life, and sleep soundly tonight. Isn’t that why you want more money? That’s how you make it too.
Consider what would happen if security were not the point of our existence. That we find freedom, aliveness, and power not from what contains, locates, or protects us, but from what dissolves, reveals and expands us.
Eve Ensler