A friend recently asked me how I stay so calm. I am certainly not always calm (just ask my kids), but one change I have noticed since training as a coach is that things don't bother me as much.
What I mean is that the little things (a messy house, fighting kids, the long list of unfinished tasks, drama, a broken car) don't stress me out like they once did and even big, scary fears aren't as powerful.
When I consider what has helped me, there is one simple thing I now do automatically that I know has made a big impact.
I have learned to be very aware of what I am thinking.
It may not sound like much, but simply noticing the thoughts going through your mind gives you some space and detachment from those thoughts. And if those thoughts are unhelpful (you know the type - What will people think...I don't have enough money...I can't get it together...I'll never be able to leave this job...I can't handle this), they will have less power to cause you anxiety, stress, and fear.
To increase your awareness, become a detective or scientist who is objectively studying your mind. When you feel stress or tension, observe the words in your mind with curious interest, not judgement. Oh, I'm thinking that if I say the wrong thing, my boss will regret hiring me. It's that same old "she doesn't like me" story. Isn't that interesting (Naming your thoughts/story like this creates even more distance).
To uncover deeper thoughts causing you stress, take the situation that is bothersome and ask yourself, What am I making this mean? Why is that a problem in my mind?
Simply just notice what comes up.
I love working with people who know nothing about coaching. If you are unfamiliar with life coaching, but are open to powerful, practical tools to increase calm and handle stress & anxiety, I have a 3-session Declutter Your Mind program for you.