Did perfectionism promise that you could relax once you did everything right?
Did it promise to protect you from shame and judgment if you said the right thing and looked like you had your act together?
Did perfectionism promise you approval but make you more worried than ever about being liked and accepted?
Did it promise you friends but discourage others from being authentic around you?
Did it promise you success but leave you depressed, anxious, or too afraid to put yourself or your work out there in the world?
Perfectionism is full of lies and empty promises.
Often mistaken as healthy striving for improvement, perfectionism is a trap that feeds the belief that we are what we do and how well we do it.
Perfectionism says, “Hey, if you have an important job and well behaved kids while you drive the right car, live in the right house, and fit into the right jeans, you will gain admiration, respect, even awe. “
If you spend enough time, energy, and money looking, living, and doing everything “just right,” you can avoid painful feelings.
But the truth is that perfectionism leaves us miserable, exhausted, inauthentic and disconnected.
It’s time to set healthy boundaries with perfectionism. It’s time to say,
“Thanks, but I want my life back.”
Here’s how you do it.
Offer yourself compassion. Hold yourself kindly. Speak patiently to yourself in your mind. Offer yourself comfort and support.
Whatever your thoughts, feelings, or struggles are, remind yourself that you are not alone. This business of being human is hard. We are all in this together.
Notice perfectionism’s drive to ignore your body’s signals or your family’s need for connection. Notice how it takes the fun out of your life.
Observe the voice of perfectionism in your head – messages that you need to keep your game face on at all times, that you can't be yourself and be good enough.
Question the logic of perfectionism. See through the lies.. Consider that you are enough. Now.
The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself. -Anna Quindlen