Do you think of yourself as a people pleaser?
Perhaps you have a hard time saying no, feel responsible for others’ feelings, avoid disagreement and conflict. You may find great discomfort in someone being angry at you or discomfort with negative feelings in general. Setting and keeping boundaries may feel risky.
Easily confused with kindness (similar to the way that perfectionism can be confused with healthy striving), people pleasing covers up a desire to make other people think and feel they way you want them to think and feel. When the word make is involved, it’s about control. Even when you’re trying to make people feel good. Harsh huh? Stick with me.
Specifically, we like to try to control others’ opinions of us, to have them approve of and like us.
But as we know, attempting to control other’s thoughts, feelings and behavior is getting into their business.
It’s handing over our authenticity and power.
It’s also exhausting.
But it feels good when we believe we are liked and needed.
So how do we get out of the people pleasing loop?
First, notice when you say or do anything that is not honest for you, not authentic, not in line with who you are. When are you sacrificing your own needs, wants and values?
Second, notice when you are doing something inauthentic in an attempt to make a person feel or do something.
Then, go back to your business and who you want to be. Act from a place of truth, self-love and knowledge that all of your emotional needs will always be met whether or not another person likes or approves of you.
What would you feel, say and do from a position of emotional security? This is genuine love and kindness. No neediness. No desperation.
Be of service without attachment to others’ business. Set others free to think, feel, and do.
Acknowledge that people will feel what they feel without you making them feel.
Is people pleasing getting in your way? Would you like to get clear on your own thoughts, feelings and values? Get To Know You here.