Let’s start talking about your relationship with yourself.
And let’s start with trust.
Trust in yourself is part of self-confidence. The Latin root of confidence is translated as “with trust.” To have self-confidence does not necessarily mean that you believe you will succeed, but you trust yourself to do your best, handle what comes, have your own back.
How do you build trust with yourself, and therefore your self-confidence?
Here is a concept from Steven Covey (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families) that can help:
It’s the analogy or metaphor of the Emotional Bank Account. Here is how it works:
The emotional bank account represents the quality of a relationship. By making deposits, we build trust with another person. By making withdrawals, we diminish the trust. The bigger the balance, the better you can communicate and problem-solve with the other person. The better you can handle the inevitable bumps in the relationship.
Covey lists examples of deposits: Being kind, apologizing, being loyal to those not present, making and keeping promises, forgiving.
How can we make deposits with ourselves (including and beyond Covey’s examples)?
Being kind: How do you talk to yourself about yourself? We can practice being kind ourselves inside and outside of our minds. We can be generous in our assumptions about ourselves. We are kind to ourselves in our actions when we love and take care of ourselves.
Making and keeping promises: You may commit to going to bed earlier, taking a class, working out. Keeping your promises speaks to reliability- doing what you say you are going to do over and over again and being clear on your limitations so you can keep your commitments.
Forgiving: Acknowledge and take responsibility for your mistakes and offer yourself compassion and forgiveness.
Being an expert on your own thoughts, feelings and priorities: Check in with yourself and use this information to take care of yourself by setting and keeping boundaries and asking for help.
If braving relationships with other people is braving connection, self-trust is braving self-love. -Brene Brown
We can make withdrawals from our own Emotional Banks Accounts when we bring up our past mistakes to put ourselves down and fail to keep promises to ourselves. We do violence to ourselves in our thoughts when we criticize and beat ourselves up.
We can people please our way into resentment and betray ourselves in order to preserve harmony with others. This is often through saying “yes” when we mean “no” and “no” when we mean “yes” and having no boundaries or “porous” boundaries.
Your feelings may signal that you are making withdrawals and abandoning yourself. Pay attention to insecurity, self-doubt, helplessness. Anger may tell you that too much of yourself is compromised in a relationship or that you are doing or giving outside of your integrity.
Trusting yourself allows you to move forward in effective ways, make healthy changes and and act on your own behalf instead of questioning yourself and staying stuck.
How can you make deposits into your own Emotional Bank Account today?
Ready to dig deeper, learn to trust yourself, and build genuine self-confidence in 3 phone calls? Let’s get started. Take a good look below.