I am about to share a concept with you that has changed my life and (at least I would like to think) the life of nearly every client I have coached.
If you ever worry about what other people think of you or think that others “should” being doing something or “should not” be doing what they are doing, this is for you (all of us!).
This concept comes from author Byron Katie who says that there are three types of business: your business, my business, and God's business. Your business is everything you think, feel, and do; my business is everything I think, feel, and do. God’s business includes things like weather and natural disaster.
We cause ourselves unnecessary struggle when get into someone else’s business. And we do it all of the time!
I'm in my kids' business when I think they should to listen to me, in my boss's business when I think she should respect me, in my husband's business when I think he should appreciate everything I do.
We get into the business of our kids' teachers, other drivers on the road, our family members, the person ahead of us in line…
I remember a client telling me that she wasn’t going to respect her mother if her mother didn’t respect her. Well, chances are, then, neither would ever respect the other.
It's so normal yet so unhelpful.
Unhelpful because...if other people don't follow the rules in our heads, we are spinning our frustrated mental wheels arguing with reality. We make our peace dependent on something out of our control. And, thoughts about what other people should being doing provide no clear action implications, leaving us stuck.
To get unstuck, go back to your own business. Is there a request you can make? A boundary you need to set? A consequence in place? An action for you to take?
"When you think that someone or something other than yourself needs to change, you're mentally out of your business." -Byron Katie
What can you do instead of waiting for someone else to change?
Subscribe to the Blueprint Newsletter.